Easter Reflection: What Does It Mean to “Love Myself”
By Br. Kyle Berceau
He is risen, He is risen Indeed!
In Me!
Alleluia!
Emerging from the tomb of my two month hiatus from writing, I thought I would share today some reflections I have on my mind.
In the world today, there is an emphasis on the encouragement to love oneself. It is expressed in a truly sincere and gracious manner often from a place of real love and care for the gift of each one’s special personhood in this world. I recall some years ago watching a video by actor Jim Carrey even espousing this “love yourself” as the meaning of life. In a way, he’s not wrong I suppose, we all are created by God in a special way to become fully alive in the way he has created us; as St. Irenaeus encourages, “the glory of God is man fully alive.” What Jim Carrey says in itself, deeper context aside, is not necessarily at odds with St. Bernard’s fourth degree of love that the soul learn to love itself for God’s sake. I confess I myself have found this admonition to “love myself” to be most important, meaningful, and necessary in recent seasons of my life. And yet, as I’ve been reflecting, I realize (with a smile), hmm, you know, that really makes no sense!
How can one love themself?! I imagine I isolate myself from the rest of the world so as to attend to this focus on self-love, and yet, when you remove everyone else, where in the world is love going to come from?! Love is always relational. And so to love myself, I am not actually touching something within myself at all, but something that I have rather received as a gift from outside, as the revelation that indeed I am worthy of love and so free to choose to accept that reality in myself. But it never comes from myself to begin with, or I must be the Holy Trinity myself, Love exchanging Love with itself, a communion of Divine Persons in one. And so I am in some way, but not of my own accord, but only through deeper belonging to God, the Life-Giver and Source of the Trinity’s inflow into my own life.
The point I would like to make is that to love oneself is a valuable self-help encouragement that the world offers to individuals, but ultimately it falls short of the deeper revelation and fulfillment of its true possibility. No person can in reality possibly love themself, but can only receive the gift of love through relationship with others. And no person can have truly loving encounters with others absent a higher Other who extends the gift of love to begin with. Otherwise, how do we even know what love is? When I experience something meaningful, it is meaningful precisely because it connects with and reflects some deeper experience of relationship that is pre-wired into my being. Can any other human being, or our own nonsensical self-love for that matter, really fulfill the deepest longings of the human soul for love, of my heart or yours?
Hint, the answer is no. But thank God that he himself has revealed the gift of perfect love for us, such that through Him love of self is indeed possible. Not through some form of self-help or personal effort as the world might encourage absent religion, but actually through acceptance of and faith in God’s loving revelation where the gift of our unconditional lovability actually flows from. The truth is the world can meaningfully encourage us to love ourselves because the gift of the Church, for all her flaws, has leavened the world with her heart and teaching. It is clear the Gospel has gotten into hearts and been made known in the world on some subconscious level; we have only lost a sense of the anchor from where all our gifts of love actually stem and flow from.
May we all return to the universal Church, which belongs to all of us, and to the gift of God’s love, so that in truth we may all discover the grace to fully accept and love ourselves as we sincerely long and strive for. Rather than try to concoct that love for ourselves, may we discover the deeper grace to receive and claim the truth as it has already been freely offered to us, in the unfathomable love of Jesus crucified and risen, for you and for me. Finally, may we then learn to share that gift of love with others more effectively in turn as well. After all, it’s the Gospel for today:
“Do not be afraid; Go and tell…”
Peace, and happy Resurrection and Eastering in the Lord.
Kyle