Monastic Institute Reflection by John Palen
Monastic Institute Reflection
by John Palen
The annual Monastic Institute is currently going on June 28 – July 31. It offers men the opportunity to come and participate fully in the monastic way of life. John is a participant at this year’s Institute.
The following is my reflection on the first week at the Institute. It’s taken from my personal journal ok, for full transparency, it’s not taken directly from my journal. If it were, I’d put you all asleep, so I extracted the general ideas and feelings and embellished them with a little drama. Regardless, you’ll get the gist.
Journal Entry #1 – Wednesday, June 28
I’m reflecting on my previous visit in February. I had a rich visit this past February. During that week, I could feel the movement of the spirit – in the beautiful gardens and walkways, during daily liturgy, and in my brief encounters with the monks. I’m certain this month will awaken me to new depths of my spirituality!! I can imagine the Divine Guidance flowing into me each moment, the pearls of wisdom dropping from the mouths of the monks, and a spiritually heightened awareness – maybe even a slice of enlightenment, drawing me closer to God. All my questions about contemplative living will be answered…hmm, I can’t wait to get there.
Journal Entry #2 – Friday, June 30, the end of the second full day
God says to me, John, not so fast! You packed quite a bit of luggage for the trip – expectations, mystical self-transcendence, and even a great awakening of your self-ego? Lots of baggage! John, just be! Stay open in the moment to what it is. Each ordinary moment is an experience of Christ’s presence with you and the community. Just show up, enter into the moment, be present, and lose yourself in the community.
Journal Entry #3 – Sunday, July 2, the end of the fourth full day
A sonnet: “The Psalm of John’s Lament”
O answer me when I call, O God my
righteousness. Give answer
and release me from anguish. Have
mercy, hear my prayer.
O my head is cluttered and spins when
attempting to follow the liturgy.
O my voice cracks and groans when
I try to sing the Psalms.
O my – why dinner at noon?
O God, save me and the other castaways that have drifted
to the shores of this deserted island!!
Journal Entry #4 – July 3, end of the fifth full day after walking back to my room after Compline
God: (knocking) John, be silent! Listen! Just listen! What did you hear walking back from Compline?
John: (Pauses) the sounds I hear every time I step out of my room. The sounds of nature. It’s the sound of Mepkin. The silence, and orchestra of natural sounds, individual but performing together, to create silence out of the ordinariness of their sound.
God: (knocking again) Yes. And they did not rehearse; they have no expectations, and they are not looking for a transcendent experience. It is simply the sacredness arising from the authentic ordinariness of just being, and being together.
Journal Entry #5 – July 5, the seventh full day, after presentations by Br. Don Bisson, Fr. Guerric, Fr. Mark Scott, and Br. Clement
God: (knocks twice) John, from your listening in the silence, what are you learning?
John: To listen with my entire self – heart, mind, body.
To give up my many attachments to be perfect, to perform, to achieve.
To give up my false-self and to trust that the community will accept me as whole and support, nourish, and provide me with all that I need to grow spiritually.
To be present in awe and wonder of Christ’s continual revealing in the ordinariness of all the day’s activities – both enjoyable and frustrating.
That the spiritual journey is not a career or a success story. It is a series of explorations and releasing of the faults – self that becomes more and more profound. This makes room inside me (and the community) for the Holy Spirit to come and heal.
Most important – to listen, listen, and listen.
Journal Entry #6 Ends with the sound of crickets.
God: (knocks twice) OK John, pretty good for a start. I promise you that if you continue to honor the silence, listen deeply, and show love to the community, you’ll like what I have in store for week number two! Now, go to bed. We have an early rendezvous tomorrow morning!
John Palen currently lives in St. Petersburg, FL, and recently started a new career as a hospice Chaplain. Before Chaplaincy, he worked in medicine and public health, both domestically and globally. John’s interest in the Institute arose from his desire to explore new opportunities to strengthen his current contemplative practices and lifestyle and, ultimately, become more open to the profound movements of love in relation to others and God.
