The Italian Lesson

The Mepkin Abbey Community is delighted to share with all of you, from time to time, the reflections on the Rule of St. Benedict.  These are written by Benedictine Oblate of St. Vincent’s Archabbey in Latrobe PA., retired Dr. Richard Fitzgerald, the former physician of our Mepkin Community. Dr. Fitzgerald is a very dear friend and volunteered his services to us for many years.   We offer his writings in the hope that you also will find inspiration in them.       

Fr. Joe Tedesco | Superior

The Italian Lesson 

I told my friend, Luigi, I needed something from his restaurant menu. He wrinkled his brow and asked, “Are you sure about that?” I thought, as one would, there was something off about the menu item. Mind you, this brief exchange happened as I tried to use my beginner’s Italian. “No,” he said, “you don’t ‘need’ that, you, probably ‘want’ that.” So, here was a lesson for me, in Italian and in life, even before I had settled in to order. Voglio, as opposed to bisorgno. Desire in a want way as opposed to in a survival need way. Such is life and how we approach it.

We spoke of the more polite and appropriate wording “I would like” in English, vorrei in Italian.

Hierarchies of need have been suggested because we can all appreciate a spectrum of individual, cultural, societal, religious, and national needs. On the other hand, what is wanted reflects a preference or choice. True “needs” are requirements in themselves for life and security. “Wants” are more specific and time related. I think I can survive comfortably if certain needs are in place. I am pampered when my wants are possible. As an example, I can get to work if my need for a reliable automobile is met. However, I might want a newer, more trendy, car.

So, too, in my spiritual life. I might want that “aha” moment when what I read moves my conscience. I might want an occasional high church ritual and beautiful music, topped off by an award-winning homily and benediction. What I need is the peace that comes from bowing my head in grateful thanksgiving for the fact that I do have the freedom of choice in my wants.

Is it possible that what I want may become a driver and, thus, transform a potential into an act? How does an aspiration, free from hubris and avarice, shape the formation of achievement? Two possibilities come to mind: budget and education. The material good I discern is valuable to have may be obtained with proper budgeting of resources. This is an economic reality true for all of us and for every institution. The operative word here is “may be” achievable. Some wants are beyond reach or impractical. The other glaring means of achieving a “want” is education. Sacrifice and commitment to the work of a formal classroom, apprenticeship, certificate qualification, mentoring, are all pathways to achieving or satisfying a want when it becomes a goal. So, a want can become an achievable goal.

I think that sometimes a want can, also, morph into a need in fulfillment and satisfaction of a spiritual or transcendent nature. When a want becomes realized, it may well be transforming. As an example: I once thought I wanted to know the woman who became my wife. Then, I grew to know her and now, I certainly need her to be my complete self. Another example is just as personal. Years ago, I questioned how the 1500-year-old Rule of Benedict had persisted in its influence. I wanted to learn more. I wanted to be a Benedictine Oblate. Now, I need to be an Oblate in my day-to-day worldview of prayer, work, and community.

It may be fair to say that all my true needs are wants; but not all my wants are needs. I thank you, Luigi, for the tableside discussion. Thank you, especially for reminding me of the decorum in the phrase, “I would like.”  Lessons are all around us and free for the taking.

Richard Fitzgerald

January 2025